I’ve been asked “Where will you let everything go and flow with life if you cannot do it in a monastery?” So true in many ways.
Wherever you go, you are also taking your mind with you. So you may go at the top of a mountain, stay there years long all by yourself. If you can’t control your mind, you still won’t be with your true self; you will be dealing with all the thoughts and feelings created by your mind. Because if you don’t practice to control your mind, no matter where you go, all those will be still there, still inside. Even at the top of the mountain you may feel angry for no reason.
Being in a monastery doesn’t mean you just come here and suddenly something magical happens and you have the perfect control of your mind. (Unfortunately :)) What it means is that you have the appropriate environment for your practice. You have the chance to have a more intense and powerful practice to control the mind. Intense because like i said you meditate hours and hours long every single day. Powerful because you have no distractions; you focus on only one subject. You know like that karate movies; they practice one movement over and over again until they are masters.
So being in a monastery means actually having a more dedicated, more attentive practice. It is very important with what kind of mindset you sit on that mat every day. Do you have expectations, do you really practice or just kind of sit there or do you really let it go and embrace everything the universe will give you?
My time in the monastery will be over soon. When I think about my first week here i see so many differences now;
The first week was crazy. I was trying to understand all the rules, the weather was so hot and i was having an infection which made me weak. Some nuns were let’s say very strict ? the list will go on like this so basically I was feeling restless.
Yes these all happened but the weather is still warm, i have catch the cold, some nuns are still same but i feel peaceful. Because the first week was all about me not about what was going on. I thought i was in total acceptance; i was not. I thought i was practicing compassion well apparently not for everyone. So it was all about me. Actually it is always about us. If you are in total peace inside nothing can effect you. If you think a person is mean or a situation is bad, it means you are the one who cannot deal with all these.
I had a dear friend here a Viatnemese nun, we had a talked 2 days ago and she and her group (18 people) they had the exact same first week with me and the same thoughts about everything. So it means we were 19 people who weren’t able to handle ourselves.? I am very grateful for the time I get to spend here. I have learned so much about myself. I’ve been to other places but this experience was different. This was very deep, it made me see the parts of me hidden so well i wasn’t even aware they were there.